The vacant look in her eyes
by Effrinae Trinx
Summary: Mocking Jay. Katniss sees Effie for the first time after the rebellion and it doesn't go down to well. It takes a heart breaking confession from Haymitch for Katniss to understand the truth behind Effies miraculous reappearance and she realises that everybody deserves a second chance. Hayffie Effie/ Katniss Friendship


During Mocking Jay

Summary:Katniss see's Effie for the first time after the rebellion and it doesn't go so well. Little does Katniss know of the truth behind Effies miraculous reappearance until Haymitch loses his temper and eventually tells her the truth.

An array of colour came into view from the corner of Katniss eye, Golden curls, teal glitter and clutching a clipboard

'Effie?'

The painted beauty came as close as she dared

'Katniss...I'

'Don't. Whatever you have to say I don't want to hear it' Katniss turned to Haymitch

'so how did 'she' manage to get out unscathed?'

Katniss was still very bitter about Prim and Peeta and the others who had lost there lives, yet there she was, Effie Trinket. As gay and as fabulous as ever yet with her vacant yet sorry eyes. Katniss was in no mood for 'i'm sorrys'

Haymitch began the defense

'Forget it. I don't care. We all have our favorites now don't we. Its just unfortunate for me that I was one of yours too!'

She gave Haymitch a sour glare as she stood down from the dress platform and headed away with her prep team.

Haymitch watched them leave then turned his attention to Effie. She was fiddling absent mindedly with her clipboard, holding back her tears and staring blankly at the floor.

'Sorry about that Ef.'

she awoke from her daze and looked at him suddenly, with a heartfelt softness that reminded him again WHY he saved her 'What have YOU to be sorry for? I didn't expect a parade. I knew it would be hard on her, seeing me, like this. I shouldn't have come. I shouldn't have worn this. I still look very...Capitol. I should have known better.'

'But thats just it princess. You don't know any better. You never needed to learn. It'll take time, you'll get there. Katniss wont be angry forever. Besides, I do have something to be sorry for. I planned on telling her before you got here but, I just couldn't find the right moment'

'Oh' Effie's shoulders dropped 'She doesn't know yet?'

Haymitch shook his head

'Ah, that makes sense I suppose. No wonder she acted that way. I'd have done the same. She probably thinks I've been hiding this war out in some grand old tower in the capitol...'

'Yeah, well. We both know better don't we' Haymitch absently placed a warm hand on her shoulder but regretted it instantly. Effie jolted backwards dropping her clipboard and brought her hands up to her face.

'Ef! Shit I'm sorry!' He stepped back from her in a panic and watched as her whole body began to tremble. It broke his heart. She started to cry.

'No, Haymitch. I'm sorry! I..I cant do this. I didn't mean to- I'm...I'm sorry' avoiding his eyes she backed out of the room and fled. Haymitch wanted to follow but he could hear her sobs as she ran down the hall. Following would be the last thing she needed right now. She had clearly been embarrassed by her own reaction to his touch and he figured she'd want to deal with that privately.

Katniss came bounding in. Her shoot couldnt of been over so quick. Plutarc followed her in, his face was red and frustrated

'Katniss, Keep making an enemy out of everyone and soon you'll end up in your own worse nightmare! Alone!'

'I'VE BEEN IN MY NIGHTMARE! I'M STILL IN MY NIGHTMARE! YOU DONT GET OFF THAT TRAIN REMEMBER!' She took off a shoe and aimed at his head. Haymitch grabbed it from her before she could launch

'Calm her down Haymitch! We go live in 2 hours!' Plutarc left, fuming.

'Got any whiskey Haymitch? Oh wait! I forgot! Your in your own nightmare too!' Haymitch didnt bite. He couldnt be angry at Katniss, not after everything she had been through and done. She was a hero. She could be as angry as she liked for him.

She slumped down onto the dress platform and sighed. All she needed was a second. To listen to her own thoughts. To realise her actions.

'Sorry Haymitch'

He sat beside her. 'You dont need to apologise to me. Plutarc maybe but not me'

'Huh fat chance! and I wont apologise to Effie either, I saw her crying by the way, running off like a spoilt princess! how dare she just swan in here like-'

'Whoa! Whoa! ok! stop right there missy' Haymitch had to butt in. Plutarc may not have deserved her mercy but Effie. Effie deserved a second chance.

'Look haymitch, I get it, you have a soft spot for her. but where was she?! Why wasn't SHE fighting with us? on the front line?'

'She was...'

'Really? what, playing the safe little spy?, hidden away safely in Snows castle sending you a few secret hints and tips now and then when she wasn't getting her awful nails done?! Its a sham Haymitch! Shes a sham! and for her to just walk back into our lives, like shes been on our side all along! I wont have it Haymitch! I'll never forgive her!'

Haymitch sighed

'Your a fool haymitch! What, did she bat her bright pink lashes at you when she realised her safe house was falling? did she beg your forgiveness? did she-'

'ENOUGH!' His tone was angry and defensive.

Katniss sighed angrily and held her tongue. She looked at him with pityful eyes but something else was bugging Haymitch, she could tell. And it wasn't just her attitude

'What aren't you telling me Haymitch?'

He shifted uncomfortably and rubbed at his stubble

'I guess there's no time like the present to let you know...'

'Know what?'

'The truth!'

Now she was silent. She'd come to realise that there was still only a few people she could trust to tell the truth. Haymitch had become one of them again. She let him continue.

'Effie didn't go back to the capitol willingly after the quell. She was...she was taken'

He shifted position and gathered his thoughts. It wasnt easy for him to want to remember.

Kat noticed that he was struggling with his story. Like it was an old wound that he was about to rip back open and rub salt into. She remained silent. as frustrated as she was to know, she let it go and gave him a moment

'We had planned to meet at the hover craft station when you had been named soul survivor of the quell, when my plan had worked and you had claimed victor. but of course...things changed'

Yes things changed. when did Katniss never ruin everyone's plans? She felt like apologising. But that was silly. She stayed silent.

'Any way, we couldn't wait. We had to get you out. I tried to find her, tried calling her but nothing. They must have gotten to her first. well, at least that's what I kept telling myself to stop the guilt. You see, she promised me she would stay alive and I promised her that I'd get her out of there...'

'But you left her...'

'Yes.'

Silence passed between them for a moment.

'What happened?'

Haymitchs fists tightened. His hands came up to his head.

'She never went into detail. I couldn't have asked her to. But, when we found her, she was almost dead. starved, beaten...raped'

Katniss let out a horrified gasp and brought her hand to her mouth 'But...But i thought she...Snow liked her. She became a star when we won. Why would the capitol people allow it?'

'Because they didn't know. For all they knew Effie had been taken and killed by us rebels. It spurred them on to hate us more. Fuel for fire. They would never have imagined their own kind capable of such thing'

'I just...I cant understand why they would, Snow and his people? Yes, she was our mentor but, that was it! she knew nothing of the rebellion. She was innocent in all this'

Haymitch stiffened

'Wasn't she?'

He shook his head.

'She came to me the day of the quell reaping. She refused to participate, so I had to tell her my plans, If she hadn't have gone out there it would have cost her her life'

'But she didn't care about that did she?'

'She was tying to be a god damned hero. She loved you both, you and Peeta. She still does! Thats why...thats...well, thats just why. They questioned her, interrogated, theatened her but she told them nothing. They beat her and...and...tortured her and she kept strong. She refused to back down. She believed in us, in you! so much so that her own life didn't matter any more...' His voice was breaking

'It's not your fault Haymitch'

'But I left her. I left her behind! To die for us! How could I do that!? To Effie?' He finally cracked. His face fell into his palms and his shoulders shook in remembrance of it all 'The only thing I want to do is hold her and tell her I'm sorry but I cant'

Katniss placed her arm around him as he fell apart. He wouldn't normally be this emotional but she knew he'd been fighting not only his drink demons now but his subconscious ones too. Wracked with guilt and pent up with unrequited feelings for Effie, Kat knew that he wouldn't be the best comfort for her right now. She made a choice and stood up.

'Get some rest Haymitch. Tell Plutarc I'll be ready for the broadcast. Theres something I gotta do.'

She left him there as he dried his eyes and tried to regain his dignity.

Effie stood in her dim lit quarters. She hadn't gotten used to the full light yet. She looked at her back and shoulders in the mirror and tried to dab the disinfectant on her raw scars. She was making a mess, the light and the angle wasnt helping. She threw the cotton pad across the room in a rage and pulled her night gown back over her shoulder. She would not cry again. This rebellion had taken to many of her tears already.

There was a tap at the door. Effie reached for her wig as standard but then realised. She didn't need that any more. Wrapping her thin blonde waves around her finger and pinning them into a bun she went to open the door.

'Katniss'

She was surprised and a little worried. She had no strength left for a verbal beating and Katniss could read that in her eyes immediately

'I'm not here to argue, or hurt you Effie. I'm here to say that I'm sorry'

Effie managed a smile 'Sorry for what dear? You have nothing to be sorry for. I'm the one who should be apologising'

'No effie. I know. Haymitch told me everything. Well, as much as he knows'

The colour drained from effies face. Haymitch didnt know the half of it. Kat saw that in her too. Effie moved aside as Kat entered. As she went to close the door behind them when Kat turned and noticed spots of blood oozing through Effies gown

'Effie! Your bleeding' She went to touch her but Effie jumped and screamed, bringing her hands up to her face to protect herself

'Effie? Hey, hey shhh. Its ok'

When effie had realised what she had done again she couldn't hold back her tears.

'I'm sorry Katniss, I'm sorry' She trembled and sobbed but katniss softened and instead of stepping back placed her hands gently back on effies shoulders and pulled her into her arms. Gently, Gently. She didnt want to risk hurting her. The woman shook uncontrollably under the weight but slowly, she began to enjoy the warmth of Katniss's tender hug. It calmed her. It was the first human contact she had experience that hadn't been forced since she got taken from her apartment that day by the peacekeepers.

'Lets get you cleaned up ok?'

Effie nodded wearily and took off her robe. Katniss poured the disinfectant onto a fresh cotton pad, led Effie into a better light and turned her around.

As difficult as it was, Katniss managed to keep her gasp from being heard. Effies scars were still broken and sore. They covered her back and shoulders running this way and that like a sick but mesmerizing piece of art. She remembered Gales wounds from the whipping post and realised Effie had had it much worse. Underneath the scars was bruising, purple, black and yellow and she swear she saw teeth marks. She didnt let her eyes linger too long. Her tears had also began to form and effie didnt need that right now.

'I want to thank you Effie.'

Effie almost choked on a laugh 'Thank me? For what? I did nothing? It was you who saved us Katniss. You saved us all'

'If only I had known Ef...I'm sorry, I could have saved you sooner'

Kat had finished and Effie pulled the robe back around herself and faced her 'You saved me along time ago Katniss. You saved me the day you volunteered. You broke my heart and it was exactly what I needed to realise...to wake up and see what I was doing. To know that I was on the wrong side. You saved my sanity, my legacy my whole world. So, again...I Thank YOU Katniss'

Effie hugged her again. The women stayed there for a moment, enjoying their bond. Re building their trust.

Haymitch cleared his throat from her door way and the women parted.

'I'll be back later Effie to check on your sc- well...to check on you. I'll leave you two alone'

Katniss left and closed the door behind her. Being alone with a man still made Effie edgy. She pulled her robe tighter but tried to give him a reassuring smile.

'I just wanted to come and say that I'm here for you. Whenever your ready. To talk to, sit with, anything. Your not alone anymore Effie'

He was scared to look at her in case he scared her and she noticed.

It broke her heart.

This was Haymitch. The man who had beaten and killed three of her gun wielding captors with his bare hands, picked her so gently off of the dirty stone floor and carried her to safety. The man who had held her hand as she had slipped in and out of consciousness on the hover craft back to 13 and whispered sweet words of hope in her ear. Who had told her he loved her and had done every day from a distance all the years they had worked together because he believed he had never been good enough for her. But he had always been good enough. Better even. It was she who had idolized him all of these years.

She approached him, cautiously with her eyes closed and reached out. Her hands met his chest and slowly reached up to his face, his stubble, his strong jaw. This was not a man to be feared. This was the man she loved. She opened her eyes tearily and they smiled at each other. For the first time in a long time her smile reached behind her eyes.

'I dont want to be afraid of you Haymitch. But you must understand, it'll take me some time'

He knodded

'I dont want to be unable to touch you. To hold you...to kiss you'

He sighed shakily but didnt touch her.

'You can help me. Slowly. We can help help other'

'I'd like that princess'

She smiled again and dropped her hands.

'Go. Or you'll miss Kats broadcast'

'See you tomorrow?'

'Yes. Tomorrow'

She walked with him to her door and let him out me smiled, knowingly and then left her alone.

That night Effie suffered the last of her nightmares because every night after she began to let Haymitch sleep by her bed. Then soon enough by her side until the night came when she couldn't help but touch him. Kiss him.

He would whisper sweet words of hope in her ear and together they would dream of a better future. A life with each other and the endless days of laying side by side, smiling at each other. Smiling smiles that reached both of their eyes.

End.

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